


A Game Of Hidden Feelings and Silenced Thoughts

by NormalnessLeadsToSadness (DrowningInStarlight)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, 2012 angst, 2016 Phan, 2022, Author uses fan fiction as therapy, Basically just their story, Cute Ending, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, If you're sad this is the fic for you, Light Angst, Like really happy, M/M, No spoilers but, Overcoming fear together, Phanfiction, Sharing a Bed, Some feels, You know what I mean, ignore me, learning to love again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningInStarlight/pseuds/NormalnessLeadsToSadness
Summary: The story of Dan Howell and Phil Lester, 2009-2016-2022.It was a game, an intricate dance of shared glances and trailing touches. A game of hidden feelings and silenced thoughts, a game that both of them hated, but neither could bear to stop.Happy ending, no smut, very fluffy, slightly surprising ending (Or meant to be, I mean, we all know what 2022 means)





	A Game Of Hidden Feelings and Silenced Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, to the best of my knowledge none of the events described in this fic are true, and are written purely for the author's own enjoyment.

It was a game, an intricate dance of shared glances and trailing touches. A game of hidden feelings and silenced thoughts, a game that both of them hated, but neither could bear to stop.

When it had started, it hadn't been a game, way back in 2009. Rosy cheeks, bright eyes, cold wind, grey skies, snuggling in bed on a winter's morning, hidden from the world, it had been a safe little bubble in which two boys off the internet learnt to love each other, tucked away from the eyes of the world.

Long Skype calls, talking and laughing and falling asleep together, separated only by miles and miles and a grainy camera, moving in together in a whirl of boxes and change, it all felt special and hidden, a shelter against the storms of the world.

Making videos, domestic arguments, learning to live together, learning to understand each other, whispered promises under the cover of darkness, the soft sound of sheets on bare skin, beams of sunlight pouring through the window where they'd forgot to shut the curtain properly, a rude awakening back into the real world that left them groaning and laughing. 

Then, like a slow insidious poison, things began to change. People commented on the way the two grown men appeared to be joined at the hip, never seen without the other, suddenly their secret thrown about on the internet, labelled, discussed, their safe, secret little bubble had been compromised. Desecrated. Ruined. Broken.  
They drifted apart, slowly, with a cold emptiness, loving glances and shared beds replaced by cold stares and closed doors.  
Hurt, bitterness, jealousy, there were thousands of words and not one would explain the depth of their feelings, except maybe for one: afraid. 

Then, out of the cold ashes of extinguished fire, had risen the game.

Phil caught Dan staring at his lips, and smirked, meeting Dan's eye with a new bravery. Dan felt Phil trail his fingers across his for just a second too long when passing the tv remote. Little things, tiny things, but more than they had had for months. Maybe, just maybe, some things were stronger than fear. 

Shared touches, where neither was sure who had initiated it but nor where they willing to stop, gazing into each other's eyes from across the room, blushing like teenagers, Phil's affectionate draping of a blanket over Dan when he fell asleep editing, Dan's soft sigh when Phil fell asleep on his shoulder while watching a film, and smiles, slightly hesitant smiles, still full of fear, but tempered now with knowledge and understanding, this was their game. 

With the rebuilding of their friendship returned an old habit, every night they would sit on one of their beds together and just talk, often for hours, about everything they loved, or were afraid of, or wanted to do someday. It was cosy, and friendly, and they were both careful never to talk about their relationship, not now, when it was so fragile, so easily crushed beyond repair.

Phil thought he knew fear. He'd been afraid when he'd first met Dan, when they'd first kissed, when they'd first slept together, but it took more courage than any of that to whisper to Dan as he got up to leave after one of their chats, one fateful word: "Stay?"  
And Dan had opened his eyes wide, a faint blush dusting his pale cheeks, and nodded.  
It all came flooding back, the nights they had spent curled up in the warm darkness, talking softly, kissing gently, just being together and breathing, in and out, in and out, listening to the familiar beat of each other's hearts. 

In the morning they both pretended it hadn't happened, but that night Dan had crept into bed with Phil again, not meeting his eyes and blushing furiously. Phil didn't comment, as he made room for Dan under the covers. It was all part of the game.  
Maybe things were still broken, but they could be mended.  
X-X-X-X  
"I love you."  
"I love you too."  
Six years later, they were still playing a game, but it was a game of fun, and laughter, and friendship. A game of kissing til they were both breathless, a game of lazy mornings in the sunshine, a game of swearing at each other over Mario Kart, a game of late night movie marathons, a game of love. And they wouldn't have it any other way.  
"You may kiss the groom."  
"Give it up, ladies and gentlemen, for the Howell-Lesters!"

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, wasn't it?  
> Please let me know what you think, and tap that kudos button, even if you're a guest, it really makes me happy! 
> 
> \- Starlight


End file.
